A few jokes

The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire trucks ruined it.

God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now.

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

I can totally keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't.

Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

He is so old that he gets nostalgic when he sees the Neolithic cave paintings.

​Whatever you do always give 100 %. Unless you are donating blood.